[00:00.71]We're here today with film star Natalie Portman.
[00:03.19]Now, Natalie, the last time you were here,
[00:05.40]I heard things got a little out of control.
[00:07.26]Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then.
[00:09.30]But... I've matured a lot.
[00:10.78]Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you?
[00:13.02]Okay, ya bish.
[00:13.86]I'm sorry, what?
[00:14.57]Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman
[00:17.88]******* your husband and his best friend just for sport, man
[00:20.54]Mess around and made this same song twice
[00:23.19]Here's bosh now eat your condos, leave is right
[00:26.67]You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait
[00:28.99]Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (Woo!)
[00:31.93]Xannies dissolving in my Pinot
[00:34.83]My man dance, but he's not a ballerino
[00:37.69]Yeah, he twinkle his toes, but he give me good D, though
[00:41.98]Wrap a good burrito
[00:43.28]Tide Pods only ******* thing I snack on
[00:46.21]Black out and go mother******* Black Swan
[00:49.42]Ooh these dudes I slash 'em fix your past your boy
[00:52.36]I come upside your head with my ************* NASCAR boy
[00:55.12]My Brain gone off that ******* Ayahuasca, boy
[00:57.99]Tell your tourist parents
[00:59.04]I'ma turn you into a foster boy!
[01:00.91]Wow, I gotta say it seems like
[01:02.58]You're almost exactly the same,
[01:04.34]But with current references.
[01:05.75]Untrue. I'm a mother now.
[01:07.40]It's really changed my perspective.
[01:08.79]And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career?
[01:11.20]You can juggle these nuts.
[01:12.41]What?
[01:12.85]I don't dance now, I make mommy moves
[01:15.04]When I gave birth, I didn't even push
[01:18.11]I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush
[01:21.00]And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor
[01:26.74]They say I'm ***-positive
[01:28.84]Hell yeah, I'm positive
[01:30.30]That you're going down while I'm bumping "My Prerogative"
[01:33.13]Tell me why
[01:35.17]Ha, I guess I'm showing my age
[01:37.21]Now bend over and spread them because you about to get *******
[01:40.03](Damn!)
[01:40.52]Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie,
[01:42.98]Have you seen the new Star Wars movies?
[01:44.51]No
[01:44.93]Oh, well they're really good! They're much better than...
[01:46.56]Better than what?
[01:47.15]*************t
[01:49.09]Say something 'bout the mother******* prequels,
[01:52.61]*************! (They were good!)
[01:53.56]Say something ******* nice about Jar-Jar Binks (He's tall?)
[01:57.53]Now kiss him right on his seventeen *************s (What?)
[02:01.11]While I sit dead on your face and take a *************t
[02:04.58]Oh, Natalie... Yeah?
[02:09.43]Please come meet your baby
[02:13.10]He cries himself to sleep every night
[02:16.61]That little *************t ain't mine!
[02:18.19]Oh, Natalie... What?
[02:20.80]It's been twelve long years
[02:23.65]Shut the ************* up!
[02:24.73]And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life!
[02:29.57]You're a mess, Carl.
[02:30.80]Okay, well, that's all the time we have.
[02:33.53]Natalie, one last question—do you think those
[02:36.09]"Time's Up" pins have had the impact that you were hoping for? AH!
[02:39.62]How's that for impact?
[02:41.21]Well, actually — oh, no.
[02:44.74]No more questions.