16 Tons 00:00.00]English as a Crazy Language 00:10.28]Let ’s face it —English is a crazy language. 00:16.73]There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 00:21.43]neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 00:24.71]English muffins weren ’t invented in England or French fries in France. 00:30.41]Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,which aren ’t sweet,are meat. 00:36.97]We take English for granted. 00:39.81]But if we explore its paradoxes, 00:42.43]we find that quicksand can work slowly, 00:45.61]boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 00:52.39]If the plural of tooth is teeth, 00:55.89]why isn ’t the plural of booth beeth? 00:59.98]One goose,two geese. 01:02.61]So one moose,two meese? 01:05.13]Doesn ’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, 01:11.14]that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? 01:15.95]If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, 01:21.53]what do you call it? 01:23.28]Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum 01:29.50]for the verbally insane. 01:31.04]In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? 01:36.95]Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? 01:41.43]Have noses that run and feet that smell? 01:45.70]Park on driveways and drive on parkways? 01:51.50]How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, 01:56.75]while a wise man and wise guy are opposite? 02:01.67]How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? 02:08.56]English was invented by people,not computers, 02:12.83]and it reflects the creativity of the human race. 02:16.54]That is why,when the stars are out,they are visible, 02:20.81]but when the lights are out,they are invisible. 02:24.31]And why,when I wind up my watch,I start it, 02:28.58]but when I wind up this essay,I end it.